Isaiah 66:9 – “In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born,” says the Lord.
I’ve been praying for the right words to type for this post. After a year of trying after our loss, we’re finally pregnant with our Rainbow Baby. The timing of this pregnancy and all the circumstances that have surrounded it are so undeniably Jesus. His Glory needs to be given.
There are things that happen that you can chalk up to coincidence or a ‘hmm, that’s weird’ mentality. The timing of this pregnancy is not one of those things.
These are important facts to take note of:
1.) On the day of our loss, there was a thunderstorm (how appropriate, right?) and afterwards, a double rainbow appeared in the sky. I forced myself outside to go see it, and I’m so glad I did.
The day before we found out (we were pregnant and didn’t know it at the time), another rainbow appeared in the same place in the sky.
2.) That was also the day we completed the shelving inside the greenhouse, which was the final installment. I got to place my plants that day, which I’d been dreaming about doing for 7 months. If you haven’t read about the significance of the greenhouse and my plant obsession, you should because it’s all connected.
3.) The next day, we found out we were pregnant. That’s also the same day the landscaping outside was completed. So technically, on the day the greenhouse was done… the idea and dream that was born from our loss… is the day we found out. I joke with Mitch and tell him all he had to do for us to get pregnant was finish the greenhouse! All the planning, every set back with building, every good weather day, every bad weather day, every minute that was spent outside, every piece of material that had to be saved up for, ordered, get to our house and installed… it all added up and was timed perfectly for us to find out on THAT day.
4.) We’ve been trying for a year, and we had a positive test almost exactly to the day of our loss last year.
5.) Oddly enough, in the months leading up to this, I had several people reach out to me. They said they didn’t know why, but felt led to tell me our wait would soon be over. They were reluctant of course (because what a crazy thing to say to someone you know has lost and has been trying since then.) I’m so glad they told me that. It gave me hope. And they were right.
When we got the positive test, I went in that day for bloodwork. My HcG level was good. I went in a couple days later and it had risen like it’s supposed to. At 6 weeks and 4 days, we saw the heartbeat. There’s a bean in there, with a perfect, perfect flutter of a heartbeat. We also had an appointment at 10 weeks. The heart rate is 169. And that baby was moving! It was so wild to see that little jelly bean dance so much!
We told Max he’s going to be a big brother. He says, ‘big brother, oh boy!!’ even though he’s too young to really understand what that means. He knows there’s a baby in mommy’s tummy and he gives it kisses each morning and says, ‘ooooooh baaaaaaby.’ He wants the baby to ‘come over’ and we tell him the baby will come around Christmastime.
It’s a been a hard year. Why couldn’t we get pregnant after that? I saw announcement after announcement. My friends were pregnant with #2. They had healthy, beautiful babies on Baby M’s due date. It was something I’d never felt before and I had to pray my way through it… which took a long time. I knew it would happen when it was supposed to, but it was so hard to find comfort in that when all I was seeing was negative pregnancy tests. I got so caught up in wondering WHY. WHY isn’t this happening?! Sometimes the answer is so clear. It simply wasn’t time yet. Last year, I remember being so angry. Why did that happen? How in the world could any good possibly come out of that heartbreak? The greenhouse. The greenhouse came out of that. It wouldn’t exist without that. And neither would this baby.
Thank you so much for praying for us and being there for us on our journey! We’re excited to share this new life with you!! We’re almost done with the first trimester, so there will be an update coming soon! Please continue to pray for a safe, happy, healthy baby!
Rainbow Baby Vaughan – Due December 2018.